What. The. Actual. F#$%.
Saturday morning started well. I sat down to create some cool stuff, I was all inspired and then BAM, a massive wave of sadness. Oh well I thought, as I pulled out my journal & processed what was coming up. I cried, I made myself a cup of tea, I wrote & then I felt great again. Tigger-like even. I worked on some music, created some more things for my business, connected with friends, sat in my garden, meditated and then I took this photo of me (selfie style- this was on a timer with a fake plant and some incense propping it up!)
As I sat down at my desk to load the photo onto the computer, I felt so sad all of a sudden, but that doesn’t even come close. It was more like hopelessness. I burst into tears, and I couldn’t stop. For three hours. I couldn’t even tell you what was wrong, it was literally everything. Waves of fear, anxiety, hopelessness, unworthiness, deep deep sadness & feeling so alone ran through me. It messed me up, I’m not gonna lie. I felt like there was no way out, and despite having learned so much on my personal development journey, for those three hours it felt like it would never end.
None of my normal strategies were working and then I realised “Monica, of course they’re not working you’ve never been in this place before!” Here’s the thing. This lock down time is meant for growth, and I 100% believe in divine timing. The old stories, fears, things that had been lurking so deep below the surface needed to come out in order for me to now rise into the next level version of me. So actually, it happening during lock down when I could truly feel it and release it was the best thing that could have happened. And, it happened FOR me. Because you know what comes after a breakdown, BREAKTHROUGH!
Later that evening, I had a bunch of revelations. Things that needed to change, ways I have held back my voice and not truly stepped into self-love, things I needed to forgive and release. What’s the moral of the story? We are in a massive period of growth & actually, if you have the courage to truly feel and heal the things that are coming up for you, you are an absolute warrior and I am celebrating you so hard! And, you will reap the rewards! What we are all navigating right now is no small thing, and so I want you to really honour yourself for your resilience and your courage to continue pushing forward and looking to the next version of yourself.
If you want some support to go deeper into what’s coming up for you and activate your inner warrior with me by your side every step of the way, reach out. I have a very special April offer just for you.
Sending you massive hugs & a round of applause, wherever you are at on your journey right now.